I'm not attacking women. Don't think that. Read on.
I find myself reading the tabloids and the magazine covers as i'm waiting in line at the grocery store, the one sentence attention grabbers-- BRANGELINA SPLIT UP or TAYLOR SWIFT MOVING ON TO THE NEXT MAN. I usually roll my eyes and think "what is wrong with these people?". David Buss, evolutionary psychologist and researcher of human mating strategies, conflict between the sexes, etc. would tell you nothing. He says that leaving a mate and switching to another is a common practice in many cultures, he calls this serial mating (2017). There are many reasons for these mate changes:
- Someone in the relationship brings "baggage" that the other person wasn't anticipating and doesn't want to deal with
- Changes in mate value. Basically both partners were 7's , one loses weight, gets fit, and becomes a 9 or 10.
- The sudden interest in a new man who is catching your attention and drawing you in more than your current man. It offsets the trouble of a breakup. Because you just got a hotter dude. duh.
"Husbands are like pancakes. There's no shame in throwing the first one out." -Jennifer Love Hewitt
Theory
I know men have affairs, and when men have affairs they are usually with multiple women. I'm not interested in why they have affairs in this post. I want to focus on why women do. Buss has a theory and this is what it is in the simplest form: women switch mates depending on security (2017). Women look for other partners if they feel their current one is not emotionally stable or dependable. They switch mates if there is another one available who is more successful. When women no longer feel secure in their current relationship they will begin to search for a "back-up". When their current relationship fails the women will still have security. This is the sole reason they cheat. If a woman breaks up without immediately entering a new relationship, she has to go back to the dating scene, which is a very scary uncomfortable place for women, especially just getting out of relationships. She has to go through a process of attracting new people and testing the waters and discovering, once again, what type of man she is into. Not only are those things hard to do, add on the baggage and worry of the past relationship carrying over to the new one (i.e. children and emotions). There is also the fear of moving too fast or rushing too quickly into a new relationship out of desperation, or wanting to make the past mate jealous. This can lead to a poor choice in a new mate. Now we have this newly single woman with so many stresses, now dealing with past problems and a whole list of new ones. Bottom line, to avoid all of this pain and stress, women will look for a new suitable mate prior to their break-up. Women are just seeking comfort and security. Buss sees this as evolution, a way women have adapted to survive.
Conclusion
You can call me crazy but this makes sense to me. I get it. So before we start judging our neighbor maybe think about why. I am not saying affairs are ever okay! I just strongly believe that if we do better about being understanding and empathetic the world will be a better place.
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