We all have things about ourselves we don't like, stories we choose to keep a secret, and feelings we don't share. Why? It is too painful to face, and we don't want to have labels, or be a burden to anyone. It is painful to face certain things that we are going through or emotions we are feeling. We think we're the only ones hiding flaws and faults and suppressing feelings, because we are damaged and weird and even if in the slight chance we wanted to share, no one else would understand. We believe this, and tell ourselves that everyone else is normal. Guess what? You're not the only one who feels this way. Let me introduce the theory by Carl Jung that is known as your shadow.
Jung identified the Shadow as one of the four principle archetypes of what he called the collective-unconscious.
Basically, we are not totally conscious and aware of, as Jung would put it, the dark stuff about ourselves. Everyone's shadow is different and our shadows, according to Jung, will present themselves in our lives differently, and at random times. The more we let our shadows stay in our unconscious lives, the harder it will be to recognize it. Sickness, mental breakdowns, acting out for no apparent reason, addiction and basically all the unpleasant things you can think of are all manifestations of the shadow.
Jung says that "what you resist, persists."
What a powerful statement.
NOW. come back.
and reflect upon this statement by Jung,
"To become conscious of it [our shadows] involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real." We cannot be happy, real people without facing our shadows. After we do that, we need to invite them to be a part of who we are. We need to accept these shadows. Our shadows could be filled with trauma and shame, with guilt and anger, with sadness and depression. We need to acknowledge these emotions and listen to them when they show up. Jung says it best when he says that, "depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don't shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she has to say." Whatever it is that we are struggling with, this is how we should approach it.
I hope that spoke to you as it did to me. Not only is it beneficial to become aware of the things about ourselves that we don't like, but we need to stay in the darkness long enough to understand why it exists, sit down, and then listen. The thought of accepting our bad parts is frightening, but if we don't accept it and seek to understand our shadows we will never be able to overcome them. Jung says, "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." We are all searching for enlightenment and trying to create our unique selves. The shadow is often perceived as a negative thing, but it should not be. "The shadow is the door to our individuality." Within your shadow there are precious parts about who we are as people. To be a balanced whole person we need to accept these parts.
I know this is hard to accept. Our whole lives we have learned to hide our struggles, our ugly parts, and our issues. We have been protecting ourselves from the guilt and shame of not feeling "put together". We pretend we only show what Jung calls our persona. We try to be perfect when really all we want is people to be real with us. How do we expect people to be real if we ourselves aren't genuine. Our imperfections are what connect us, they are what make us real. When we are vulnerable and real we are not weak, we are being courageous. Being vulnerable helps us remember that we are not alone in the struggle. One of my favorite authors is a shame and vulnerability researcher, she has written many amazing books! Here is a powerful quote from her book I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't),
Jung identified the Shadow as one of the four principle archetypes of what he called the collective-unconscious. Basically, we are not totally conscious and aware of, as Jung would put it, the dark stuff about ourselves. Everyone's shadow is different and our shadows, according to Jung, will present themselves in our lives differently, and at random times. The more we let our shadows stay in our unconscious lives, the harder it will be to recognize it. Sickness, mental breakdowns, acting out for no apparent reason, addiction and basically all the unpleasant things you can think of are all manifestations of the shadow.
Jung says that "what you resist, persists."
What a powerful statement.
NOW. come back.
and reflect upon this statement by Jung,
"To become conscious of it [our shadows] involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real." We cannot be happy, real people without facing our shadows. After we do that, we need to invite them to be a part of who we are. We need to accept these shadows. Our shadows could be filled with trauma and shame, with guilt and anger, with sadness and depression. We need to acknowledge these emotions and listen to them when they show up. Jung says it best when he says that, "depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don't shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she has to say." Whatever it is that we are struggling with, this is how we should approach it.I hope that spoke to you as it did to me. Not only is it beneficial to become aware of the things about ourselves that we don't like, but we need to stay in the darkness long enough to understand why it exists, sit down, and then listen. The thought of accepting our bad parts is frightening, but if we don't accept it and seek to understand our shadows we will never be able to overcome them. Jung says, "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." We are all searching for enlightenment and trying to create our unique selves. The shadow is often perceived as a negative thing, but it should not be. "The shadow is the door to our individuality." Within your shadow there are precious parts about who we are as people. To be a balanced whole person we need to accept these parts.
"No progress or growth is possible until the shadow is adequately confronted and confronting means more than merely knowing about it. It is not until we have truly been shocked into seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we wish or hopefully assume we are, that we can take the first step toward individual reality.” - Carl Jung
I know this is hard to accept. Our whole lives we have learned to hide our struggles, our ugly parts, and our issues. We have been protecting ourselves from the guilt and shame of not feeling "put together". We pretend we only show what Jung calls our persona. We try to be perfect when really all we want is people to be real with us. How do we expect people to be real if we ourselves aren't genuine. Our imperfections are what connect us, they are what make us real. When we are vulnerable and real we are not weak, we are being courageous. Being vulnerable helps us remember that we are not alone in the struggle. One of my favorite authors is a shame and vulnerability researcher, she has written many amazing books! Here is a powerful quote from her book I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't),
“We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection—the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy, and joy into our lives.”To be strong is to be real. I hope in reading this it has given you the courage you need to face your shadow, because when you do integrate your shadow into your life and consciousness there lies much beauty and happiness. This will bring balance to your life and create many wonderful things for you.
Comments
Post a Comment